


Cat Crack Fever

by junichiblue



Category: Bleach
Genre: Anal Sex, Comedy, Crack, First Time, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 23:34:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16356434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junichiblue/pseuds/junichiblue
Summary: This is a crack one-shot for Murderlight and her hilarious Cat Scratch Fever.Yoruichi has taught Ichigo how to take feline form. He knows he shouldn't. And frankly, he didn't mean to, at first. But now, despite knowing how wrong it is, Ichigo can't help himself... Grimmjow hates him, so obviously the only recourse is to use this new form to spy on Grimmjow at the Shoten. One caveat; when you spy on people in cat form, you probably shouldn't fall asleep in their bed...





	Cat Crack Fever

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Cat Scratch Fever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15722286) by [murderlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/murderlight/pseuds/murderlight). 



> Just a note for those who catch my mistake. I mention that Ichigo is in his human form in this. And of course, he would really be in his spirit form if he were turning into and out of a cat. And going home naked too. But that's what I wrote down and for the sake of my dialogue etc... I'm gonna leave it that way. Forgive me. ; )
> 
> After reading the first chapters of CSF, I started picturing ways things could go if Ichigo woke up next to Grimmjow back in his human form after going to bed with him in cat form. And I couldn't stop thinking about it, so this came out in four hours today. I never get stuff to come out this fast, but because it's total crack, it felt easier. So, thank you Murderlight for your amazing story and the little waves of writing filled plot bunnies it gives to others. Note: This is by no means the best way. Not even close. I might actually be disappointed if this scenario played out in that story because her plot is too good! And it must continue! : D

It wasn't a normal situation to begin with.

Ichigo had fallen asleep beside Grimmjow, on Grimmjow's bed, on his back in cat form, paws kneading the air, and a cat-eyed smile on his little cat face.

He woke up in the same position. Slowly. He felt snug and at home against the sheets he'd warmed with his back. It took a long while before he started to notice that something felt different.

His stomach felt cold. Colder than it should with a coat of fur on it.

His paws were still kneading away though, up by his face, though they too felt a little... odd. But he hung onto the lazy edge of sleep because life was still pretty blissful despite the coolness and the oddness. Mostly though, there was Grimmjow-scent. The room was full of Grimmjow-scent. It was pleasantly invasive and felt like home.

But then there was warmth. A small patch of hot heat, right on his cold belly.

And that really woke him up.

He blinked several times as he struggled to bring the world into focus, the colors different now than they'd been the day before. Human.

He was human.

And he was waking up in Grimmjow's room where he'd fallen asleep in his feline form the night before...

And the dark shape looming over him, touching his human stomach with a palm hot with cero... was actually the guy who was about to murder him in cold blood.

“Fuck! I can explain!” He still couldn't quite make Grimmjow out properly through the morning blur.

Grimmjow didn't say anything, but his fuzzy expression had some things to say.

“Ok, I can't explain! Not really. Not in... it's just...” Ichigo wasn't squirming. He was afraid to move. “I didn't mean to... I just wanted to know... “

I'm going to kill you, said Grimmjow's face. Slowly. Lovingly.

“You were so nice and I just wanted you to finally like me!”

Grimmjow's cold fury died in it's tracks.

“What makes you think I didn't like you?”

Ichigo gave it just about a second's thought.

“Oh, nothing really. Just everything you do and say.”

“Hn.” Grimmjow's eyes narrowed. “I did like you better as a cat. Less mouthy.”

“I'm glad I scratched you.”

“I'm glad Jinta scared the piss out of you.”

“You threw me out a window.”

“...”

“And ceroed me.”

“I hit the dirt, drama queen. And I saved you from Jinta in the first place.”

“Why?”

“Cuz I didn't know it was you.”

“That's hurtful.” Grimmjow's hot hot hand was still flat out against the skin of Ichigo's stomach. And the more he became aware of their never-changing situation, the more the butterflies were beginning to grow in there.

“Yeah, well, eavesdropping on private conversations is a piece of shit move, I'd say.”

“Worse than trying to kill people?”

“I was made for killing. Were you made for eavesdropping?”

“I'm sorry about that. I really am.”

“I know you are.”

“But you're still going to kill me.”

“Neh. But I am going to make you pay.”

“Whatever you want.” And oh - how quickly he regretted those words. He didn't owe Grimmjow anything, did he? Maybe a little. He just couldn't wait to get out from under Grimmjow's cero-hot hand, the one that was causing his body to break out in goose bumps because it made the cold air around it feel even colder. 

The part Ichigo didn't know was the part of the current fiasco that had happened when he was still asleep. The part when Grimmjow had woken up. And reached out with closed eyes to stretch his muscles.

The body his knuckles had brushed against, that lay next to him was large, and hard, and not covered in nearly enough fur.

He'd rolled his head slowly, fully alert and cautious. Not wanting to change the situation when he still didn't grasp what the fuck was going on.

For a moment, he'd been about as confused as a minor Hollow doing math problems.

Then it clicked. And here he was. Still pissed as fuck. But the heat in his palm wasn't from the cero he'd formed and aimed at the sleeping shithead when he'd realized what the hell had been going on right under his nose. The sneaky, nosy, sack of shit who'd nearly had him rubbing his lying little belly.

The offended side of him was angry that Ichigo had done all that. But a confused part of him missed the little cat version of Ichigo because he'd never found out what it felt like to rub that furry belly.

“I mean whatever you want within reason.”

“You don't get a say. You're in my bad books, Kurosaki.”

Ouch. Kurosaki.

“Tall tales or modern literature?”

“Non-fiction Murder Mystery.”

“Not good. But it won't be a mystery, you know.”

“Shh. No spoilers.”

“I'm not the one writing the book.”

“No, you're not.”

“Can I have my stomach back now?”

Grimmjow looked down at his hand. And watched the way Ichigo's stomach fluttered up and down when he spoke.

“I mean, I can start doing nice things for you sooner if we... get up.” He wasn't begging. Just... suggesting calmly. Because he was naked. And so was Grimmjow, just to shine a bright, obnoxious light on things.

And their pleasant conversation about murdering Ichigo and the frighteningly open ended and hitherto unmentioned forms of payback / retribution / and-or / Ichigo's humiliation that were going to be enforced by the former espada for sure... Well, it was all making Ichigo quite uncomfortable.

Grimmjow licking his lips, once and quickly in thought, as he considered the complicated logistics, apparently, of simply lifting his hand away so Ichigo could be slightly less mortified was something that sent a jolt of worry right into the bottom of the very same stomach that Grimmjow was still fucking glued to.

And then Grimmjow did move his hand. And for a moment, Ichigo thought he was going to get up and scamper home to find some clothes. He knew damn well Grimmjow wouldn't lend him anything to wear. The idea of dodging families and running back home buck naked in broad daylight was mortifying as hell, but still, somehow, the very best of two very bad situations.

Grimmjow was still looking down, his hand hovering low now, then dropping back down onto feather light fingertips that dragged in circles over Ichigo's skin. He lost his breath against the light touch, cold skittering across his skin in electric pulsing waves. His muscles jumped and tightened, his teeth clenched together, and holy shit did that feel good?

“Tell me... would you? ...What”, he choked out, “are you doing that for?”

“Hmm?” Grimmjow didn't look up. He seemed distant. Lost but focused. Too focused. “Payback,” he said.

“I didn't sign....” he could hardly breath right now, “a terms of agreement yet.”

“You signed when you fucked up.”

And then Grimmjow stopped doing that neat thing with his fingers, which Ichigo thanked every random god for, because the good feelings were going south he realized. Which would only grow his embarrassment like fast growing bamboo with lots of sunshine and water.

Terrible analogy. Terrible.

But apropos.

Because Grimmjow's hand was now on his dick. And then around it. Warm and firm.

Well, wasn't this nice. It was just snug as a bug in a rug.

“Please don't rip my dick off. I need it to pee.” There was a significant silence.

“Don't you need it for sex too?”

“In theory. Yes. But I didn't want to bring that up.”

Another silence.

“It's up.”

Ichigo died a thousand times.

“Of course it is. That happens when you do that.”

“What happens when I...”

“Oh fuck. Stop that.” Ichigo brought a knuckle into his mouth and bit it to keep from making a really un-evolved sound. “You have to know what happens, shithead.”

“Not a lot of that going on in Hueco Mundo. And I wouldn't fuck anyone around here with your dick.”

“How do you somehow manage to make everything sound like an insult. And are you saying you've never... ?”

“Never ever. But I know about it.”

“Aizen give you guys sex ed?”

“Pfft. That eunuch? Gross.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“I read a lot.”

“Really?

“No dumb ass. It's in the memory banks. Same way I know how to speak and walk and fight.”

“Most people have to learn how to fight. You might have known the basics but even you had to improve with practice. And you're welcome by the way.”

“You're not thanked. And I already know the basics. So let's improve.”

“Wait! I never said...” Ichigo's world did a little spin and then he was facing the pillow. Face in the pillow and breathing nothing but feathers while his head was pushed forward and his hips were lifted.  
He found the strength then to pull out from under Grimmjow's grip and catch his breath and practically scream.

“Foreplay! What about foreplay?!”

“Fuck foreplay. We've done enough of that.”

“We haven't done any of that!”

“What do you call all the fighting and arguments we've had?”

“Fighting and arguments!”

“Che. Fine. How's this?”

Heavy body weight and heat. Those were the first two things Ichigo registered.

The next was the very hard flesh that rubbed abrasively against the crack of his ass. It didn't feel particularly good in any tangible way. But it got his heart going. Then Grimmjow rumbled off a sound deep in his throat like a purr and Ichigo started to get where he was going.

It was crazy. Fast and stupid. But even if he pulled the cord on this bus ride, he was pretty sure he'd regret hopping off too many stops early. If Grimmjow even would stop. He thought he would. If Ichigo was firm enough with him.

Speaking of.

Ichigo was.

Quite.

The grinding continued for a minute, then Grimmjow's heavy hips, with their bony parts that had hurt Ichigo's soft bum a little bit, but in a good kind of way? - lifted and shifted. Down.

And suddenly, Grimmjow appeared, all hot breath and cruel intentions, up beside his ear. He took the soft flesh of his shoulder between his teeth and bit down with a growl.

Ichigo yelped.

“Owe. Easy!”

Grimmjow let go just so he could speak, a smirk wedged into his voice. “You seem to be.”

“I must be, because you haven't even kissed me yet.”

“I wasn't thinking about kissing right now. Why does it matter what happens first?”

“Because... it's just the natural order of things!”

“Or is it really just anal retentive?”

“You know, this doesn't have to happen.” Grimmjow wasn't sure if Ichigo wanted an apology or a kiss at this point, so he covered his bases. This wasn't about pride.

Fighting was about pride. Sex was about orgasms.

“Fine. Sorry.” He grabbed a hunk of wild orange hair and “helped” Ichigo up with his head, craning it back and to the side so he could kiss him.

They both felt it then. In one long kiss. Tasted it in each other. Shocked eyes closed tight. Mouths and bodies surged against. Desperate for the feeling to grow. To peak.

And then they needed more.

That's when Ichigo felt it. Grimmjow pushing into him. Dry.

Or trying to.

Well, the universe didn't work that way. Not Ichigo's at least.

He blustered right into Grimmjow's mouth.

“Hell no!” Grimmjow coughed in reaction.

“No what?”

“No lube!”

“So?”

“I'm not explaining it. That should be in your memory banks!”

Grimmjow looked at him long and begrudging. Until he understood.

Dammit. Of course. He felt stupid actually.

He'd take it out on Ichigo's ass in a minute.

“Stay here and don't move.”

Ichigo twisted in the direction of the door as Grimmjow slid off the bed and loped toward it.

“What...”

“I'll be right back.”

“Where are you...”

Grimmjow turned on a dime and snapped, blue reatsu flying out like fire and flaring around him.

“I said. Don't. Move.” His jaw dropped a little, but otherwise, Ichigo didn't move a hair.

Grimmjow must have used sonido – a blessing for everyone in the shoten since he was buck naked right now – because it seemed like he was back in the doorway before he even left it.

Grimmjow hung in the doorway just long enough to take Ichigo in from a distance. To see him as a whole. He hadn't known he even wanted it until now. He didn't know if it meant anything either, but that was a matter to be dealt with later. All he cared about right now was that he wanted something specific, and from only one specific person.

“Lube,” he announced. Because Ichigo was still looking confused and a little suspicious.

“Where did you find lube in the Shoten?” He knew Grimmjow couldn't have made it far, like to the corner store, in less than three seconds.

“Kitchen.”

“Kisuke keeps lube in the kitchen?!” He said it with a mix of disbelief and unpronounceable horror. “People eat in there! I've eaten in there!” he squawked.

“He doesn't keep lube in the kitchen.” He threw a leg over Ichigo and reclaimed his position on his knees on top of his favourite new person. “And I'm sure he's nailed Yoruichi on every permanent and removable surface in this place.”

“Nightmares. I'm gonna have nightmares.”

Grimmjow flipped the lid on the bottle and Ichigo pushed himself to his elbows to get a look. He squinted.

“Olive oil?”

“It's that or nothing. Your choice.” Ichigo flopped forward and hugged his pillow in distress.

“I'll never be able to eat a salad again.”

“Salad's for herbivores.” Ichigo scowled out of the corner of his eye.

“Whatever.”

“And you're an omniv-whore.”

“It's omnivore. Wait - ”

“I know that cuz I know you like the bone.” There was an almost angry sigh.

“I only like you for your looks. I want you to know that.”

Grimmjow grinned wide. And before Ichigo could protest, or in fact, prepare himself, he jerked forward, intruding suddenly and painfully into Ichigo's personal space.

It felt great already, but it pissed Ichigo off to no end.

“Owe! I'm in my human body you know!”

“Good. Then I can fuck the life out of you.”

“That's not as sexy as you think it sounds!”

Grimmjow rolled his eyes and growled.

It was awkward, holding himself back for Ichigo's comfort, what with Ichigo trying to rip the tip of his new favourite appendage off with the muscles in his back side.

He waited until he felt Ichigo wiggle what Grimmjow now realized was a really fuckable looking ass.

And at the same moment he realized he really didn't want anyone else doing this with Ichigo.

Not looking at his ass this way. And definitely not fucking his ass. Not in any way. He already had violent thoughts popping up in his head just thinking about it. Best not to think about it right now then, and why he had when his dick was feeling clamped down on was a fucking mystery.

He pulled out and heard Ichigo grunt. Sounded to him like Ichigo was upset by that. Heh. So, he tucked the tip in again and pushed. And pushed. Up on his arms, he let his hips bear down in a controlled fall and groaned as he felt himself sink into Ichigo under the weight of his own body.

“Holy shit, Grimmjow.” Ichigo sounded husky, and just a little hurt, like he was begging. That sound alone was enough to pull Grimmjow's hips forward and into motion like they were on strings. It was unfair how he could still have control even with Grimmjow over him, and in him.

Ichigo had a different world view at the moment. He was swallowing back mewls and groans when all he really wanted to do right now was tell Grimmjow how god damn amazing he was.

The burn was insignificant and fading to nothing at all. The filling sensation was nice but when coupled – no pun intended – with the thick sliding feeling and then that sudden jump of bright holy sensation that Grimmjow probably didn't realize he was causing whenever he thrust deep and stabbed home, Ichigo was thinking that spreading his legs was the best decision he'd ever made.

Like a bull Grimmjow grunted, movements half maddened as they both grew slick and hot, aggressively chasing after orgasms they could feel in the looming distance. Grimmjow surged forward, again and again, erratic and panting, mouth full of Ichigo's skin and groans that turned to curses. Fast and punishing as they peaked.

Ichigo howled just as Grimmjow stilled. He felt the pulses. Knew what that heat meant. It only made his pleasure double.

Then they were done. Done like dinner.

Grimmjow pulled out and rolled off, breath still coming fast and cheap. Not enough air in the room. Like there'd never be enough air again.

“Holy fuck.” Ichigo managed, between sounding like an asthmatic.

“Fuck yeah.” Grimmjow couldn't agree more. “We gotta do that again.”

“Gimme a minute. Or a day. We'll see.”

“Fuck you, we'll see.” Grimmjow growled, but it was hard to sound substantially threatening when you were gasping.

“Don't be so confident. You still have to thank me.”

“Pfft. For what?”

“Cuz, not only did I make you a better fighter, but I taught you how to have sex.” Grimmjow gave up on breathing and shifted up onto the backs of his elbows, rising with his eyebrows.

“You taught me...? All you did was lie there and whine about lube. I did all the fucking work.” Ichigo levered himself up onto his forearms as well.

“I did not whine! I just asked. And if I hadn't, that wouldn't have happened at all.”

“Pfft. I'd have figured it out on my own. And you whined. You're a whiny little shit. Always were.”

“And you're a giant asshole. “ He flopped forward and gave into a yawn. “Always will be.”

“You know what. Sex or no sex, and yeah, I am saying that was fucking amazing... But you know what?”

“Yeah?” Ichigo asked, head back on his pillow, eyes lazy-lidded and about to close.

“I still like you better as a cat.”

A heavy pillow to the face was the only thing Grimmjow got out of Ichigo for the rest of the day.


End file.
